Posts Tagged illness

Not Feeling My Best

Posted by Jen in Anxiety & Me, Friends & Family, Health Nuts |

Hmmm.  It’s been a strange day.  I had such a terrible time sleeping last night.  I think I went to bed at 11, finally fell asleep at 3 (frustrating!), woke up around 4-ish, woke up around 5-ish and then woke up to get Meghan to school at 6.  So, I started the morning off tired, obviously.

That was fine.  I’ve been tired before.  Meggie wasn’t feeling well, though – she’s been having such severe stomach pains for the past few months.  They’ve been intermittent, but chronic.  We are still in the process of trying to determine what it is, but my initial guess is IBS.  So, I ended up driving her to school.  An hour later I came home and decided to get as much work done as I could before I eventually crashed.

At 10:30AM or so, I had reached the point where I could barely keep my eyes open.  So, I decided to try a little cat nap.  Well, as I went to lie down I realized I was feeling dizzy.  Not only that, but my hands were shaking…really really shaking.  My heart was racing a bit and I just felt ODD.  My first thought, of course, was that this was a panic attack.   (For those who have known me, I have had some rather epic battles with this anxiety disorder of mine.  I have baffled many doctors with the severity and rareness of my symptoms, but those symptoms have been pretty darned silent for the past few months.)

The second possibility for my sudden symptoms was a drop in blood sugar.  Mild anxiety and low blood sugar feel very similar.  I’m not diabetic or anything, but my body is very sensitive to sugar levels and sugar crashes.  I purposely eat a low-glycemic diet for that reason, but it’s always possible that the sugar levels can go a little wonky from time to time, I’m sure.

So, I grabbed a bunch of grapes, drank a little bit of juice, and waited 10 minutes.  Wow.  It was bad.  My face was going numb, everything was cold…yes, this was beginning to feel more like anxiety.  So, I took a Xanax.  I am a pill-phobic, so taking a Xanax is always my last resort.  That completely knocked me out, of course, but…I don’t know.  The symptoms have subsided, yet I am sitting here now at 5PM and I feel weak, a little trembly, a little dizzy…something’s off.  I will be devastated if I am going to have to take up arms against the Panic Monster again.  He’s a tricky little thing.  (LOL – yes, I occasionally imagine my panic disorder as a creature.  He has warts and an evil laugh and likes to find new sneaky ways to scare the living daylights out of me.)

I just came off of another nightmarish battle with my anxiety during the months of March to about July or so.  I know I don’t have any blog posts about that time period, but I do have a bunch of drafts which I really should clean up and finally post.  Before that time, my panic disorder had been dormant for nearly 4 or 5 years, I think.  I ended up contracting mono last February and that just seemed to trigger the panic again.

*sigh*  Well, I am going to take it really easy tonight.  Just camp out in bed with the laptop, watch a little TV and head to bed very very early.  The longer I’m awake, the more my mind will start to run away with worry that these symptoms are a sign of my impending doom.  8-O

On a less medical note, I have been doing a ton of brainstorming lately for a bunch of different web sites I want to build up.  I need to open again and do a major overhaul on the database.  I know a lot more today than I did when I designed it a few years ago, so I hope I might be able to draw a lot more traffic there.  My little brother, Christopher, is on the verge of partnering with his old boss to begin a web parking company and he is one heck of a web designer, so I am going to bounce some ideas off of him and get a little ‘professional’ input.  It makes me a laugh a little bit sometimes…I still see him as my “baby brother” and it’s strange to think of him as a professional!

3155 For My Future

Posted by Jen in School Days |


That is what is separating me from my beloved college degree.  I can’t believe I ran out of money.  I seriously didn’t think this would happen, but it did.  I have been sick…really sick…for the past few months and I have been unemployed and I used up all my school savings.  I am done.  I have 3 classes left to finish and that is how much I need.

Here’s how it works.  My final degree will be from an accredited college (Columbia Union College…now called Washington Adventist University), but the actual degree program is run by a different college (Griggs University.)   I pay Griggs.  Griggs is in charge of all my courses, but the final grades and transcripts and degree are approved and administered by Washington Adventist University.  Sadly, because the money is paid to Griggs, my financial aid must handled by Griggs and Griggs does not participate in any state or federal government financial aid programs. This was never a problem before – I have always paid Griggs from  my own pocket or from the extra balance available on my credit cards.

My pockets…they runneth dry.
My credit cards…they (nearly) runneth over.

I am devastated.

Okay, I need to focus and make some type of action list.  I am so close to my goal – I don’t want to give up now.  The first thing to do is to keep looking for a job…one that will take into account that I am dealing with a sporadic, yet debilitating health issue.  That is a problem for many workplaces…but I won’t know if there is a job out there like that unless I keep looking, right? Nothing has worked out so far, but something might.

The next step is to look for private loans or some type of grant or scholarship.  Didn’t Obama say something about helping single moms going to college?  Obama is next on my list, I guess.

This has seriously thrown me for a loop.  Anyone who reads this – fingers crossed, positive thinking, prayers, advice…I’ll take it all.  This is definitely something I can solve, I’m sure of it.  Money problems are way better than health problems.  I just need to keep myself healthy and not let the stress get to me and just throw as much positive energy and positive action into this situation as I can.  You can guess what I’ll be praying about tonight!


Posted by Jen in Daily-Dallies, Working Girl |
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So, I am a little bit broke.  I’m not quite sure how it happened or when it happened, but I am suddenly scrounging for extra cash these days.  I have been toying with the idea of going back to work for again, but I seriously don’t think I can handle the stress of being under the scrutiny of their fickle QC department.  I also know that they changed the entire pay system right after I stopped working for them earlier this year.  According to a friend of mine who still works for them, her income was cut by about 40% since the pay changes.  The only reason I stopped working for ChaCha in the first place was because I had mono.  (I could hardly sit in my computer chair for more than 5 minutes before falling asleep.)  Now that I am better, I just don’t think I am willing to spend 8 hours a day for a measly 2 to 3 dollars an hour.  I am sure I can make more money doing something else.

The job market where I live is horrid.  I would only be looking for a part-time job because I plan on taking on 3 college classes by the end of October.  I do not wish to work at McDonald’s or the local supermarket.  Been there, done that.  I stopped considering those types of jobs after the age of 25…and I’m not nearly that desperate.  Yet.

So, my next choice is to try to find another way to make some extra money online.  I plan to rejoin the ranks of WAHMs.  I’ve done it before (via ChaCha, eHow, and my web site.)  I’m sure I can get things rolling to do it again.

First things first.  I need to get my products back up for sale on my web site.  I made some decent cash that way and it hardly required any work on my part.  The second thing I need to do is to build up my traffic again.  I closed down the site a few years ago when my anxiety disorder reared its ugly head and my traffic (understandably) took a hit.  Closing a site will do that, you know.

The next thing I plan on doing is working on writing some more eHow articles.  I’ve received 2 checks from them so far and that’s with only 4 articles.  I am sure I can spit out a few more.  After that, I want to start building and possibly flipping some blog sites.  I love working with WordPress and I’m becoming much more familiar with it.  I have a ton of articles I can use and a bunch of interests I can write about.  I think I can make that work.  Niche blogging can be profitable if you do it right.

I just really need to get focused and work out a solid checklist for the upcoming week.  I find myself getting easily distracted these days.  I have been trying so hard to make up for the months I lost this year when I was sick and I think I am making things worse by trying to get everything done at once.  It’s just so awesome to feel so good again.  I want to just stay awake all day and all night and just…be productive again!
That darned human need to get daily sleep keeps mucking up my plans. Tongue

A Trip to the Library

Posted by Jen in Books, Movies & TV |
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So, I decided to visit my local library today.  I’m not a big fan of libraries, to tell you the truth.  We prefer to buy most of our books and keep them forever and ever…or sell the really bad ones on eBay.  Now that I am incredibly broke and finding myself with a desire to read more and learn more and do more, I decided the library would be the best place to do just that.

As it turns out, I found so many books that I want to read and I seriously can’t wait to go back and get some more.  My library is pretty small, but I think there are more than enough books to keep me busy reading for a while.

So what did I pick up today?  Well, I mixed it up a little bit.

Someone Like You

This is a Young Adult book which was one of the books that inspired the movie “How To Deal.”  I know I might be a little old for Young Adult, but I like Sarah Dessen and I like to share what I read with my teen daughter, so I will occasionally pick out books she might like, too.

Next on the list was:

Positive Energy: 10 Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear into Vibrance, Strength, and Love

I’m being a little bit cautious when it comes to reading this one.  I picked it up on a whim, mostly because I am always talking to my daughter about how susceptible we are to the energy of the people around us.  (When I’m in a bad mood, she tends to get in a bad mood, too.  When someone in our family is sad, we only need to be around them for a short while and we quickly find ourselves to be sad as well.) My cautiousness is due to the fact that I fear this may be a little bit too “New-Age” for me, which might conflict with my Christian upbringing.  I would like to think I’m intelligent and open-minded enough to be able to gain insight from this type of book and  even find a way to mesh it with my (semi)firmly rooted Christian beliefs.

My final library book of the day was:

How to Solve Physics Problems (College Course)

This one…well, I’m a nerd who likes to learn new things.  I have a firm belief in those studies that state that our brain will deteriorate if we don’t keep using it.  This looked like fun and I like math and it’s not like I have anything else to do all day…ha.  I wish.  In any case, I am excited to get cracking on this and start creating new connections in the neural network of my brain….or whatever it is that happens when we learn.

As for everything else going on in my life.  Well, Meghan was home from school again today.  The virus knocked down her system enough that she seems to be fighting some type of sinus infection.  This is her 6th or 7th day out of school this year.  I sincerely hope this will be the last of her absences for a while.

Flu and Cold Season Has Arrived

Posted by Jen in Health Nuts, Parenting |

Well, I tried my best.  I bought a triple package of Purell and a bunch of those sanitizing sprays.  I washed my hands every day.  I sprayed my hands with a sanitizer after leaving a store.  I made sure Meghan did the same.  But, here we are sniffling and exhausted and headachy and obviously fighting some type of cold.  I live in a house with 3 other people who I know aren’t as diligent as I am about illness prevention and I am sure that has a lot to do with the fact that we are sick.
The question of the day, of course:  “Is it the H1N1 virus (a.k.a swine flu)?”  I don’t think so.  We don’t have it yet, at least.  None of us seem to have a fever, except for Meghan, who is only registering a slight one, at that.  Our throats are only intermittently scratchy and the biggest complaint is really our stuffy noses.  I’m just bummed because I really thought I was going to be one of the few who didn’t get sick at all this season.
So, she was sent home today from the nurse’s office with a slight fever and I’ll have to wait and see what happens tomorrow.  September isn’t even over yet and I think she has been absent 6 days so far.   The first two days were for my grandmother’s funeral, but the rest were from illness.  This is going to be another interesting year.

Making Time for Online

Posted by Jen in Blogging, Parenting |
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Well, I’m getting there.  I’ve been playing around with this blog and trying to find as many little applications and widgets that will make my online life go a little easier.  As much as I love working on the computer, I really don’t want to spend my entire day on here.  Aside from this, I still have some college classes to finish and I am doing a little bit of job hunting on the side.  Additionally, I’m dealing with my daughter’s health, which has been a little funky lately.  I’m not quite sure what is gong on with her, but her doctor said it’s possible that her mono has reactivated.
That would seriously stink.

The poor girl just started back to school and might find herself homebound again with another illness.
She’s been out the past two days with severe weakness and muscle aches.  There’s no fever, but her throat is a little scratchy.  Swine flu was casually mentioned, but the doctor said she’ll wait until Monday to see if the symptoms improve before she actually runs some blood work.
The school system is so cranky when it comes to missed school days and I’m already stressing from the fact that she has missed 4 days in the past 2 weeks.  What can you do, though, right?  Her health is so much more important than the school getting upset over a few absences.
I do hate it when she is sick, though.  I truly think that is one a mother’s greatest burdens.  Seeing our children hurt, sick, upset…etc…it’s such a nightmare sometimes.