Archive for the Anxiety & Me Category

Snowy October…Again!

Posted by Jen in Anxiety & Me, Blogging, Daily-Dallies, In the News |

For the second year in a row we had snow in October.  This year wasn’t as bad as last year, but it was still a bit of a surprise.  I had been out helping my nieces’ mom (Rachel) do some housecleaning for a little extra cash when she got the phone call about the weather.  It snowed pretty much all day and didn’t end up sticking until evening.  I’d guess we got about an inch by the time it was all done.  I love the snow, but I definitely want a little more time enjoying the autumn leaves, you know?  The forecast for next week is supposed to be around 60 degrees again, so I guess the winter gloves get to go back in the closet for a little while longer.

My anxiety disorder has acting up…I’m not sure why, but it might have been triggered by the lack of sleep I have been experiencing.  A three-day headache will do that to you!  Luckily, it’s nothing I can’t handle.  I’m just taking it easy, catching up on my sleep when I can and hopefully this weekend will be what I need to get back to feeling like my old self.

My daughter and I went to a meeting at school this past Wednesday to get some more information about the possibility of her traveling to Poland next year as a foreign exchange student.  Truthfully, I’m excited about the idea, but I’m not sure she will be accepted into the program.  She has been struggling this year to keep her grades up.  She’s a really smart girl, but she has been racking up the absences and it’s affecting her grades.  We have an appointment this Thursday with the “tummy doc” and hopefully we’ll get some answers as to what is causing all her abdominal pain.  I just want her feeling better again.  She went from being one of the healthiest kids I know to the kind of kid that catches a cold or virus every other week.  I won’t even go into my fears about the H1N1 flu…if she were to catch that now, I am quite certain it would be one heck of a battle.  :-(

Hmmm…so, what else?

Did you hear about the Balloon Boy?   Basically, this family’s 6-year-old boy – Falcon Heene -  was thought to have been flying over Colorado in a hot air balloon yesterday.  Instead he was actually hiding in the family’s attic the entire time.  To make things even more interesting, there is a possibility that the family knew he was in the attic, but pretended otherwise in order to get a little extra publicity for their family.  Oh goodness.  I would find this incredibly funny except for the fact that they may have actually made this little boy lie about what happened.  Can you imagine how much stress he must be feeling in order to keep that secret?  I do hope that isn’t what really happened.  Meghan and I have a secret addiction to Wife Swap, so we are quite familiar with this particular family – they really are a little odd.  The father (Richard Heene) reminded us a little of the Crocodile Hunter – he had a mix of ADHD behavior with a childlike enthusiasm, but there was something about him that was a turnoff.  He didn’t seem very concerned with teaching his children about respect and manners.  That always bothers me when I see parents like that.

Well, I have a bunch of little tasks to do for the night.  I am trying to organize all my To-Do lists and set up some goals and tasks for the next few weeks.  I have a few job possibilities and I want to get a couple of my web sites up and running again.  I should be nice a busy for the rest of the month.  I like that.

On a very unrelated note…I hate tagging my blog posts.  I really do.  Mostly because I think I stink at it.  I never even look at or use tags when I visit other sites.  If I want to browse through a blog, I will click on the categories…I never really pay attention to tags.  I think I’m missing the point of them.
So, I fail at tagging.
I’ll also never admit to how long it takes me to decide which categories I should use for a blog post….I think I fail at categories, too.  LOL

Not Feeling My Best

Posted by Jen in Anxiety & Me, Friends & Family, Health Nuts |

Hmmm.  It’s been a strange day.  I had such a terrible time sleeping last night.  I think I went to bed at 11, finally fell asleep at 3 (frustrating!), woke up around 4-ish, woke up around 5-ish and then woke up to get Meghan to school at 6.  So, I started the morning off tired, obviously.

That was fine.  I’ve been tired before.  Meggie wasn’t feeling well, though – she’s been having such severe stomach pains for the past few months.  They’ve been intermittent, but chronic.  We are still in the process of trying to determine what it is, but my initial guess is IBS.  So, I ended up driving her to school.  An hour later I came home and decided to get as much work done as I could before I eventually crashed.

At 10:30AM or so, I had reached the point where I could barely keep my eyes open.  So, I decided to try a little cat nap.  Well, as I went to lie down I realized I was feeling dizzy.  Not only that, but my hands were shaking…really really shaking.  My heart was racing a bit and I just felt ODD.  My first thought, of course, was that this was a panic attack.   (For those who have known me, I have had some rather epic battles with this anxiety disorder of mine.  I have baffled many doctors with the severity and rareness of my symptoms, but those symptoms have been pretty darned silent for the past few months.)

The second possibility for my sudden symptoms was a drop in blood sugar.  Mild anxiety and low blood sugar feel very similar.  I’m not diabetic or anything, but my body is very sensitive to sugar levels and sugar crashes.  I purposely eat a low-glycemic diet for that reason, but it’s always possible that the sugar levels can go a little wonky from time to time, I’m sure.

So, I grabbed a bunch of grapes, drank a little bit of juice, and waited 10 minutes.  Wow.  It was bad.  My face was going numb, everything was cold…yes, this was beginning to feel more like anxiety.  So, I took a Xanax.  I am a pill-phobic, so taking a Xanax is always my last resort.  That completely knocked me out, of course, but…I don’t know.  The symptoms have subsided, yet I am sitting here now at 5PM and I feel weak, a little trembly, a little dizzy…something’s off.  I will be devastated if I am going to have to take up arms against the Panic Monster again.  He’s a tricky little thing.  (LOL – yes, I occasionally imagine my panic disorder as a creature.  He has warts and an evil laugh and likes to find new sneaky ways to scare the living daylights out of me.)

I just came off of another nightmarish battle with my anxiety during the months of March to about July or so.  I know I don’t have any blog posts about that time period, but I do have a bunch of drafts which I really should clean up and finally post.  Before that time, my panic disorder had been dormant for nearly 4 or 5 years, I think.  I ended up contracting mono last February and that just seemed to trigger the panic again.

*sigh*  Well, I am going to take it really easy tonight.  Just camp out in bed with the laptop, watch a little TV and head to bed very very early.  The longer I’m awake, the more my mind will start to run away with worry that these symptoms are a sign of my impending doom.  8-O

On a less medical note, I have been doing a ton of brainstorming lately for a bunch of different web sites I want to build up.  I need to open again and do a major overhaul on the database.  I know a lot more today than I did when I designed it a few years ago, so I hope I might be able to draw a lot more traffic there.  My little brother, Christopher, is on the verge of partnering with his old boss to begin a web parking company and he is one heck of a web designer, so I am going to bounce some ideas off of him and get a little ‘professional’ input.  It makes me a laugh a little bit sometimes…I still see him as my “baby brother” and it’s strange to think of him as a professional!

When in doubt…it’s anxiety

Posted by Jen in Anxiety & Me |

I’m 28 years old and after so many years of this, I still have a hard time really believing that the symptoms I am feeling are anxiety related.
After going through months of tests for MS, Guillome-Barr syndrome, lyme disease, etc. It was finally discovered that the source of my extreme muscle weakness, blurred vision, lightheadedness, swallowing difficulties, tingling fingers, and headaches… was all due to an anxiety disorder.
I seemed to be doing well for the past few months, but this week I have been ill again…nausea, muscle weakness, trembling and shaking while experiencing hot flashes. I felt like Billy Graham going through menopause. Because the shaking and trembling was something I never experienced before, I went to the doctor yesterday and she (my real doctor was on vacation, so this was a sub) ran blood work on me and told me to come back to the office the today.
I did….and on my way to the office, I started shaking, feeling dizzy….which then triggered the familiar beginnings of a panic attack. I immediately took some Xanax and most (but not all) of the symptoms went away.
I was still shaking uncontrollably when I got the office, but she truly felt that that was the adrenaline still pumping through system. My heart was racing, my blood pressure was high and I was still feeling a touch of nausea, but she came to the conclusion that this is all anxiety related. My blood work came back completely normal.
And yet…
I worry still.
What if…
What if this isn’t anxiety.
What if …. now don’t laugh at how my mind works, but what if I have some sort of stomach cancer. And that is why I feel so nauseaous and that is why I am so weak. She did say that my glands were swollen…what if that means something. Something bad.
I hate anxiety. I try to hide it from everyone when I am feeling the symptoms because the more attention I bring to it, the worse it usually gets.
The hardest symptom to hide is when I lose strength in my legs. A strange symptom, I know. I actually am reduced to shuffling and I can barely lift my legs. I wonder if other people with anxiety have the same problem.
Well, in any case….I am praying that what I am feeling right now is just anxiety. I’m just worried because it feels a little different this time – I have never had this type of feeling before and I am just worried that maybe something serious is really wrong with me.
But if it is anxiety, I can deal with that.
I have my Xanax….or my new favorite – Ativan. I also have my daily Prozac (40mg) and Zyprexa for my nerves. They have worked wonders so far, but these past few weeks have pushed me to the limit. If I don’t feel well enough by Monday, I will definitely be calling my doctor again and have him run a few more tests. My doctor is the best doctor in the world. I love him – he takes good care of me! :) I went for years jumping from doctor to doctor and this is the doctor I want to have for the rest of my life. He is thorough and honest and never makes me feel as though I am overreacting to anything.
I’m so afraid of illness and death….and I don’t take care of myself as well as I should. I don’t get enough sleep, I don’t eat enough, I am always fad dieting to lose the same 10 pounds….I probably abuse this poor little body of mine and every now and then it fights back to wake me up and get me back on the healthy track again.

I just want to feel normal again.

As I type this, I can feel my legs trembling a little and my stomach feels as though someone has punched it…it feels so odd. And, my most familiar symptom – “fuzzy head”. Kind of like someone is scratching the nerves inside of my head – like Velcro. I just feel “off”. Usually the medicine works, which lets me know that it must be anxiety since the anxiety medicine takes away most of the symptoms. But what about the people who don’t have medication and don’t have a way to test whether they have anxiety or not? I pray for them….while I pray for me. Anxiety disorder….that is something I do not wish for anyone. I know it’s not life threatening, but sometimes it really feels that way.
How this started, I have no idea….how to stop it, that I do not know, but I am going to start researching some self-help sites to see what kind of anxiety coping tools are available out there. I need to take control of this – that is the only way I can hopefully handle the anxiety without medication in the future. I think some praying about this would help, too.
Well, I shall ramble about this no more. I have some name prints to print and mail out for tomorrow. I received nearly a $200 name print order from my web site. That was exciting! It’s amazing that I actually have customers who come to my site and want to buy my name prints. Exciting, indeed!