Anxiety Disorder
Even though I have already shared some of the thoughts and worries I have about my anxiety disorder, I thought that maybe it was time I delved a little deeper into the history of this panic disorder of mine.
This is a long LONG entry, but I’m going to try to tell it all, just in case someone out there can identify with even a little part of it and maybe find some hope or comfort that they are not alone.
Anxiety is frustrating. It can wear you out, affect every part of your life and can be very scary, especially when a new symptom arises and you aren’t quite sure it’s anxiety this time. (”What if this isn’t anxiety and it really is a heart attack this time??!!”)
YEAR ONE: 1999
Well, I think most of the extreme symptoms started in April or May of 1999.
I was living at home, but attending college and I remember that I was sick one week with a sore throat and fever.
Well, the day I was getting ready to go back to classes, I noticed that my legs began to feel very weak.
It started just like that.
It was almost like my legs wouldn’t work. They felt sooooo heavy. I also had a hard time closing my hands into a fist and I just felt shaky all over. I thought that it was just left over symptoms from the flu I had.
Within the next week or so it got worse and happened more frequently. I began having episodes of hyperventilation, too. They would usually last for about 15 minutes to hour or so and then the symptoms would slowly subside. I remember having to leave class a few times because my hands would go numb and I can still remember shuffling slowly to get from the car to the classroom.
Well, I went to the doctor and they began their tests. They mentioned MS, Lyme disease, Epstein Barr, but nothing showed up in the tests and my symptoms continued – off and on for a few weeks. Well, finally one day a visiting doctor came into the office after studying my chart and told me that it was probably a strep infection and that sometimes strep can affect the muscles. He gave me an antibiotic and told me that I was going to be just fine.
And, for whatever reason, I actually did feel better again. This lasted for about 10 months.
So, 10 months later the symptoms started again. I was walking through the mall at Christmastime and the leg weakness began again. It didn’t stay for as long as it did the last time and it seemed to go away as quickly as it came. (Looking back now, the holidays are a stressful time, so it makes sense that it would recur during that time. Of course, I didn’t consider “anxiety” as a cause back then, so I had no idea what was going on..)
Then another 8 months went by – all was well. I still didn’t know anything about anxiety. I still assumed it had all been caused by strep or some other weird bug or virus.
YEAR TWO: 2000
Then in August of 2000, I had all four of my wisdom teeth pulled. Over the course of the next week or so, I began to experience another problem – I felt as though I couldn’t swallow properly. It wouldn’t happen all the time, but there were suddenly times when I would swallow a glass of water and feel as though it would just get caught in my throat – like a lump in your throat when you are about to cry.
Then I would panic and start worrying about whether my muscles were starting to not work anymore. I mean, first I had weak leg muscles and then I had weak hands and now my throat wasn’t working properly – and oh my goodness – my HEART is a muscle. What if that begins to weaken and I die??? (”And I die” is a common thought during each and every panic attack.)
It would be another 10 months before I would finally come to the conclusion that the sporadic, but frightening symptoms I was experiencing were anxiety related.
YEAR THREE: 2001
By April of the next year (2001) my symptoms now included:
racing heartbeat,
vision troubles (it was like I was dizzy and sometimes had to blink a lot to focus),
muscle weakness (although I was experiencing that less frequently),
and my ever famous “fuzzy head” feeling.
“Fuzzy Head” is hard to describe, but it feels as though someone is lightly scratching the inside your head. It’s almost like the rough side of Velcro is moving around in there. It just feels weird and heavy and uncomfortable and I got that symptom a lot.
While I was still looking for causes (such as reactions to antibiotics like Levaquin or the drugs they used to anesthetize me when I got my teeth pulled), I was beginning to find that many of my symptoms were similar to those of anxiety and panic disorders. This was exactly 2 years after the major symptoms had started. Shortly after that, my doctor seemed to agree that I might be suffering from some type of panic disorder. She put me on Zoloft and taught me how to breathe.
Basically, my doctor was a fellow anxiety sufferer and she was able to control her panic attacks by doing diaphragmatic breathing.
What is that, you ask?
Well, basically it is breathing deeply, down to your diaphragm – not chest breathing.
Honestly, that worked great for my hyperventilation and to this day I have gone nearly 2 years without any hyperventilation problems.
But, I’m sorry, deep breathing just doesn’t make the muscle weakness go away or the headache or the absolute total belief that you are going to pass out any second and no one will know.
In any case, the Zoloft and the deep breathing was a good start.
The muscle weakness symptoms started to go away, but I still had trouble with the other symptoms.
What I really wanted was a way to stop those panic attacks. I was lucky in that I only experienced 8 or 9 actual full-blown panic attacks – the kind where you are sure you are going to die and you hope you make it to the hospital in time.
The rest of the time, I just felt “off” and dizzy and nauseous and afraid that any minute it might turn in a panic attack, but luckily, most times it did not.
What happened during panic attacks?
How are they different from those other symptoms?
Well, they usually started with the dizziness, some trembling – sort of like you have low blood sugar, and then
I would get this fast sinking feeling in my stomach and suddenly I would break into a cold swear and then go completely cold, which would frighten the heck out of me because dead people are cold – did that mean I was going to die??
Then the world would just seem different – almost surreal – almost like I knew…I really knew that something bad was going to happen. To me.
I remember going to the movies once. I was watching˜The Majestic”. And a panic attack started while I was in the theatre. It was like my anxiety symptoms suddenly jumped up a notch. To be honest, I hadn’t been feeling well all day, but I thought I had it under control.
Well, 20 minutes into the movie, I began to feel that quick all-over cold feeling.
My mind was racing, trying to figure out how far the nearest hospital was. Should I go? Would I make it there before I died? What if I passed out? (I’ve never passed out, but that always frightens me)
So I told my friend that I was getting popcorn and I went to the ladies room and just talked to myself in the mirror while holding my hands under the warm running water of the sink.
I still remember that sooooo clearly.
It actually helped.
I don’t know how, but it did.
I told my doctor about the experience and she asked “But, did you breathe?”
Sigh.
YEAR FOUR: 2002
In February of 2002, I switched doctors. I had come to the decision that my previous doctor didn’t understand how I was feeling.
A note to anyone and everyone out there who suffers from anxiety – don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t have anxiety just because you don’t have the same symptoms they do. I think my doctor felt that since SHE got better by deep breathing, then I should have gotten better by it, too. And just because SHE didn’t feel nauseous with her anxiety, then I shouldn’t be feeling it, too.
So, the new chapter in my life started in 2002 with my new doctor. He ran every test imaginable – MRIs, CAT scans, ultrasounds, endoscopies, blood work – all of it.
The results?
Well, to the surprise of my brothers, I actually do have a brain (lol) and it is healthy. That pretty much ruled out MS.
The CAT scan said that my sinuses were clear and there was nothing strange going on up there. So the headaches weren’t caused by that tumor I was SURE I had.
How were my ultrasounds? Well, I was actually told that I have beautiful organs. (*laughs* – the technician really said that. She said the ultrasound pictures of my colon and stomach would be perfect for medical books)
So I was healthy except for that darned fuzzy head, dizziness, nausea, etc.
So, my new doctor took me off Zoloft and put me on….
Prozac.
Eek. My first reaction was a mixed one. I didn’t know much about Prozac, but I had the impression it was given mostly to people in mental health institutions. But, hey – I trusted this doctor and I was willing to give anything a try.
I do want to add that I am not a real fan of medication – I like to live with the belief that Jen (me) can heal Jen (me). It a perfect world, my body is healthy and strong enough to fight and stay healthy. Well, sometimes your body needs a little help.
YEAR FIVE: 2003
It has been about a year and half since I started treatment with this doctor and I have to say that life is much better. The thing that amazes me the most is that my headaches are gone.
I had spent the past 4 years battling weekly headaches. Now, months will go by without a single headache. THAT is something I am most grateful for. Do you know how hard it is to function with a daily headache?
How is the muscle weakness in my legs? I haven’t felt that symptom in about a year.
I still have days where I feel a little off, but aside from the day of my grandmother’s funeral earlier this year, I have not had a time in over 12 months where I felt like I was in danger of having one of those nasty panic attacks.
Since being on the Prozac, when I find myself having a day where I feel like I have a blink a lot to focus and when my head feels a little fuzzy and strange and my heart feels as thought it is going to speed up and never slow down again – well, that is when I know I need to take it easy.
I still have the symptoms, you see, but it’s not a daily thing. Sometimes a week or two will go by without anything but a little nausea.
I’ve also noticed that it seems to come in spurts sometimes. In fact, spring is the worst for me. Nearly every spring my anxiety flares up again.
I haven’t figured out why, though.
For example, this past spring (2003), another symptom began.
Shaking.
I’m not talking about a little bit of trembling like I used to experience, I am talking about Parkinson’s-like shaking. It was the weirdest and scariest thing.
That baffled my doctor for a while. He sent me for another round of blood work, but it all came back okay. Then he prescribed me some Xanax and since that seemed to take care of the shaking, we assumed that anxiety had struck again.
That is what gets me about all of this.
It’s not like I am suffering from the same symptoms all the time. It’s almost like it mutates into an entirely different disorder with entirely different symptoms. Why is it that I no longer get that muscle weakness, but now experience sever trembling when my anxiety acts up?
Actually, as I am typing this I am beginning to feel that fuzzy head and my heart is doing that palpitation thing. To me, that’s a sign that I am going to need to take a little break here. I’ve been doing too much of everything these past few days and I know that I am just asking for my anxiety to pay a visit.
Right now, though, the Prozac (with the supplement of Xanax or Ativan on the rare occasions when I feel as though a panic attack is going to start) has helped me feel the best I have felt in a long time.
At the very least I am not battling anxiety daily.
FINAL THOUGHTS
There is so much to this disorder. It is different for everyone in severity and symptoms and especially treatment. I pray for anyone who is suffering from this, but does not know what it is yet. I would be lying if I were to tell you that I am still 100% convinced that this is all anxiety and not some deadly mystery disease. That thought creeps into my mind when my symptoms start up again. There is no test that I know of to 100% verify that you suffer from anxiety.
I just try very hard to remember what it feels like when it’s really really bad and use that to compare it to the days when it’s only a little bad.
It’s hard when people don’t understand it either. They ask why you have anxiety and what is making you so nervous?
A panic disorder doesn’t always work that way.
I’ve actually had a panic attack start while watching my favorite sitcom. Most of the time, though, I can pinpoint the triggers or the string of behavior that led me to the onset of symptoms: lack of sleep, too much caffeine, illness, etc. And other times, it just appears out of nowhere. It’s a mystery.
The biggest breakthrough for me was the new doctor I went to last year. He doesn’t just tell me to breathe, he tells me to breathe while he runs some tests and refers me to experts and tries new medication and researches new treatments. He made me feel like there was hope and that I am not without some kind of solution. He is willing to accept that there is not just one magical cure for everyone, but he promises me that he will keep working on this until I feel like Jen again.
And I am feeling much more like “Jen” than I have in years.
It’s been a long few years, though. I’ve spent large potions of the past few years with my life on hold. For example, I signed up for three college courses in September 2001 and after asking for some extensions, I am finally finishing the same three courses this month.
When something is so invasive that it ends up affecting parts of your life and part of your future and when that “something” is just anxiety to most people, it can be very hard to find someone who can sympathize and understand what you are going through.
This won’t kill me, I know, but it does take control of a person’s life and make even the simplest tasks seem impossible.
Will I be feeling fine next month or the month after that? I have no idea. My symptoms come and go and they get better and worse. But, I just try very hard to not lose faith and not let it consume my thoughts or scare me like it used to.
And, with that, I would like to extend a wish to all of you.
I wish for you a little peace of mind and the assurance that you are not going crazy and you are not making a big fuss over something little, no matter what others may say. This is real and it can be really scary, but you are not alone. Don’t give up until you find something that makes life a little easier and more livable for you.
Take care and best wishes to you all.
DandyID
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I have had many of the symptoms you described above apart from the muscle weakness. I never seem to get tired and could go on all night even though I know I need to sleep. What is the most bothersome of all the symptoms is the fuzzy head feeling isnt it? How do you get rid of it??! It stops me from concentrating and “unmotivates” me. I am so worried I will do bad in school because of this fuzzy, weird head feeling- and the lump in my throat doesnt make it any better. I am glad I read your little blog thingy here- it calms me down a bit to know that there are others like me..but it still doesnt stop me from wondering if I really have a brain tumour or some incurable brain disease.
I find your story very reassuring. I have had similar symptoms off and on for years and years, and yes, they do change over time. For me the fuzzy head is worst – it feels agitated and like it is being irritated at the back from deep inside. I feel like I am just holding on and can’t stand being in my own head at times. I am on light meds (Lexapro) but don’t enjoy that so am reluctant to up doses or to take more than that. I used to work with cancer patients which makes me all the more paranoid about a tumour, that doesn’t help the anxiety and panic.It is comforting to know I am not at all alone…
Was looking for something totally different when I came across this
I took me a few years too to get diagnosed with anxiety.
I think what we all have in common is every little twing in our bodies makes us think the worst.
A headache is a tumor …chestpain is a heart attack and so on.
When i get an attack it starts with my mind racing a 100 miles an hour, then my hands get tingly and I start shaking. Next would come an overwhelming feeling of having to go to the bathroom..all the while thinking you are going to die NOW. The emotions that go thru you are just out of this world . I feel for anyone who has anxiety or panic attacks . I hope you get to the point that you can cope with this on a daily basis…for me it took therapy for almost a year and the realization that I need help in form of a pill..I always thought i could beat this on my own. Now I am on Alprazolam and take it as needed .
Good luck to you Jen
Wow. thank you for writing that long entry. I have recently began to experience the fuzzy head feeling…and every time it comes over me, i convince myself that i have a brain tumor growing and I need to go get a CAT scan asap! I have developed full blown panic attacks about a year ago and I have slowly gotten used to all the symptoms and even accepted them…however this fuzzy feeling is hard to accept. My palms get sweaty and my body also becomes clammy and cold…i get so tired and start yawning. Then i begin to google panic attacks until i find comfort in other people’s blogs, which calm me down for a while. sometimes, i go a little crazy and begin to google brain tumors and freak myself out even more…I think the most disturbing thing about panic attacks is that every time it happens, you think it is fatal. I have been on Paxil for about a month but i went off it and deciced to handle anxiety via natural ways. However, it is becoming more unrealistic to deal wit this drug-free..i really would like to look at prozac and xanax and other anti-depressents as a last resort. I am still fighting..remember you’re not alone!
Jen,
Thank you so much for what you wrote. This has reassured me that I am not dieing…I may just have an anxiety disorder. I have been so bad here lately with weak legs, abdominal pain…ect…I have been fighting this hard for 2 months….every test in the book run on my, all came back remarkable. I got so frustrated I wrote a nasty letter to the head of my doctor’s office demanding that he was not looking for the right things and my livelihood was at stake. He called me this weekend to discuss the issue, and said I may have an anxiety disorder…I as an engineer had a hard time believing this, but as I talked about it with people…researched it some more…I noticed I am starting to feel better…my leg weakness and other symptoms have almost disappeared today…I am going to see the doctor tomorrow to discuss what is next for me….I just want to thank you again for sharing your story and making me feel a little more at ease…
Me too guys.. I know with God’s help I can handle my anxiety/panic, it’s the fuzzy head, confused, hard to consintrate feeling that throws me off and It feels like a constant headache (no throbbing) just like your wearing a hat thats 5 sizes too small. Anyways just wanted to share
Hi Jen,
Thanks for your story. My hands are weak these days and I don’t know why. It’s freaking me out. I’ve never had problems with my hands before. My doctor checked my hands out and thinks my hand problem could be psychosomatic as my hands aren’t actually weak as I can make a strong fist. Anyway, your story regarding weak hands was comforting to me. I myself have also suffered with weak legs but I know this to be anxiety so I’m not afraid of this. OK My history is a long history of anxiety of suffering here and there with panic attacks, dizziness, hyperventilation, weak legs, and hopefully simply anxiety-related weak hands, tunnel vision, spaciness, etc. I’ve even suffered with what I call mind panic attacks as well as body panic attacks. With a mind panic attack you really have a fear you’re losing your mind or going crazy. It’s really scary but it’s just my sensitized, over-reaction to thoughts and then further over-reaction to those thoughts and the adrenalin kicks in more and more. Anyway, I have to laugh at our common reactions just because I can relate to them so well – any new twinge in our bodies and we sound the alarm BIG TIME and our imaginations make over-reactive conclusions everytime – how do ‘normal’ people cope – how is it that ‘normal’ people can simply shrug things off so easily. I dunno. Anyway, having said all of the above, I was anxiety free for 5 wonderful years! I learned how to emotionally jump into the anxiety symptoms whole-heartedly so that I when I came out of the symptoms or through them I no longer had any fear. I was no longer afraid of the symptoms. As Lucinda Bassett says, we have to take that ‘leap of faith’. Oh my goodness, there is just so much to know about anxiety but you can get out because I did. Unfortunately I did not change who I was in the process so that when I came across some possible real health issues I landed back in anxiety again. By changing who I was I mean that we have to change ourselves so that we are no longer worriers – worry is for nothing, it does nothing, it improves nothing, it raises our adrenalin and anxiety – we can’t identify ourselves as being worriers, we have to change this. Also, we have to stop ourselves from being negative thinkers, over-reactors, obsessors, perfectionists, over-analizers, catastophizers, controllers, and we have to stop the ruminating. All of this is what is making us sick with anxiety. Did you know that our thoughts can actually change our brain chemistry? Yes, our thoughts are electric. Let’s think positive to change our brain chemistry to a more relaxed mode. We are highly intelligent people with great imaginations and we have to turn our assets outward to achieve great things and to enjoy the wonderful carefree adventure of life. When we turn our perfectionistic, imaginative assets inward, as Lucinda Bassett again says, we make ourselves sick (with anxiety). As you can tell, I’m still working on changing me so that I can again enjoy life again with no fear. It is our fear of the symptoms that keep them coming. We have to learn how not to be afraid of the anxiety symptoms. Sorry for being long-winded here but I felt I had to share this with you all. The two people who gave me my freedom are Dr. Claire Weekes (an Australian Dr. no longer with us – she lived to I believe 91 – but her children are carrying on her work)and Lucinda Bassett. You can access both on-line – Dr. Weekes has books and CDs out and Lucinda Bassett has a whole CD program out called “Attacking Anxiety”. I bought Lucinda’s program when it was audio tapes. If I had changed who I am as mentioned above, I wouldn’t be going through this setback but I’m almost through again and I’ve learned a lot. I learned that I have to change myself. Anywho, I think now I’m starting to really repeat myself so I’ll stop yakking. Thanks for letting me share this with you. I hope it helps. Take care,
Oh sorry, one more thing, Lucinda Bassett also has a book out called “From Panic to Power” which I think you will find really helpful.
Take care,
Hi there, quite glad I have found this site as I too get the anxiety related around illness! I am 27 and I have been feeling like this on and off since I can remember probs around 14! I have once been on prosac and yes it did work and I felt wonderful. I came off if after being on only three months and still felt great for about a year. I thought I had beaten it. Anyway its back. All my family just call me a hypercondract and they dont understand, do they think I enjoy living with this? I want to enjoy my life I have a 2 year old and a 4 month and I am going through a stage of worry at this time and Im just missing out on my childrens childhood. Sometimes I think i am so selfish but its so hard to get over. Like you say certain things bring it on, I am having a lot of sleepness nights and also I have had 3 virus this year which totally panicks me! I actually thought one night I was having a stroke. My fingers went numb first, then my feet then it seemed to be travelling up my body, I was terrified. I asked my boyfriend to drive me to A&E but he said its just a panick attack, in the end I could think straight and my mouth dropped to one side and I couldn’t speak. It did go eventually and this is the worst one I have had. I always get thick throat, itching ears and throat, lumpy throat, fuzzy head, dizziness, tingling fingers, numb hands and feet, blured vision. If I dont feel 100% well I start to worry! I am sick of IT!!!!!! Can anyone help! I am going down the line of some counciling but its not started yet. Should I go back on the Fluxoetine!!!
Hello….I’m 18 years old and been suffering from anxiety for about 2 years……..I’ve don’t catscans…mri the the head….I have been to ent…..hospital…and blood work for thyroid and all of that……pee tests….all came bak 100 percent normal…….the onli thing with me is the weakness pisses me off…..it makes me just want to lay down…..and wen I stand up my legs feel so weird and have imbalnce or wobble walking…….sometimes wen I walk I feel like imma fall or I’m floating…..and drowsyness sucks……..but mostly I get everyother symptoms….and I did experince a panic attack in the movie theater out of no where watching saw 3….awhile ago……..I’m glad I’m not alone I feel like I have a bad disease or something…….if any body can relate to my very weak and wanting to alwyas lay down let me no please thank u….jen hang in there
Hey -
Just…thank you.
I’ve been going through a lot lately with my anxiety, and god a part of me wishes it would just stop, so I can live normally. I’m hoping the tests I’m being put through eventually shows everything is normal so I can remind myself of them every time I get worried of something (like my heart might stop, or my breathing is weird and I might stop breathing because something is wrong with my lungs, etc…)
My father often asks me “what do you have to be nervous about?”, and a part of me wants to cry every time he does, because it does make me feel like a moron for letting this all get to me. It’s really comforting to see I’m not alone in this…
Omg……..what the hell is wrong with me……unfortunally I have generalized anxiety panick disorder stress and the hole 9 yards……..y am I always weak fatigue and feeling faint constantly…….any little thing I pick up with my arms I get weak…..like writing this right now my arms are weak…..I’m on xanax xr 0.5mg…..nothing else I have to see a pychatrist….I’ve been to nuroelogist…doctors….er’s the whole 9 yards….I’ve done a mri to the head….2 ekg’s….a eng….thyroid test…..and over 12 blood test everything 100 percent normal…………so then y does it feel like I have something terrible…….y am I so weak what can I do about it……all I ever wanna do is lay down…..and never wanna go out……does anybody feel the same and yes I get the dizziness and rapid heart beat and the swets….dry mouth…….stuff like that but the fatigue is so strong my body can’t handle it…..and I apparently out of no where now have a phobia of fainting…….I was never like this on july 4th it just made 2 years……my life sucks and I don’t no what to do anymore someone please give me hope….ty u all
Ruben,
I just got finished reading about lead poisoning and weakness, w/ abdominal pn, etc. Not saying that is what it is. did you grow up in an old house,
Hi, read all the above, ive suffered from anxiety disorder for 14 years, ive suffered from all those weaknesses you talk about, like my legs felt too weak to walk and i wanted to lie down all the time. I tried everything i knew and more in those years, i dont believe in god and i don’t believe in medication, but what i do believe in is claire weekes self help for your nerves(book), best book ever written on anxiety disorders. As far as im concerned its the only book worth reading, and you can read it many many times till you know it backwards. In literally weeks of reading it i turned a corner in my life for the better and have continued to improve everyday since. Its like being given a roadmap of the illness and shows you the directions you should take to recover fully. When i first heard about it i just thought it was another book on anxiety that would maybe have some good advice but still i was never going to recover. But i was wrong. I was recommended the book by a person who went threw and recovered from exactly what we are all suffering, it was for this reason that i decided to give this book a real go. When i read it i was lying around all day on the couch and was dashing off to accident and emergency at night with terrible panic and was total dispareing, as if i didn’t know which way was up, the feelings of dread and panic seemed relentless. I was living my life literally from second to second as the suffering was unbearable. Maybe some of you have been there. But anyway there is also a cd of the author talking so if you like the book you can get that two but the book basically covers everything. Search her name on google. If i can give you some clue as to possibly what made this book so magical for me, it was that you hear of so many people recovering and how they got better but somehow it just dosent seem real, like maybe they were lucky or that maybe they just didnt have it that bad in the first place. The person who recommended the book to me i knew personally and i knew that they had had a very bad time with anxiety, they were not able to work or go out and like some of us were housebound and lying on couch all day as they felt terrible and weak. So i had complete belief in the validity of this persons suffering. What turned this persons life around in which he is in no doubt was doctor claire weekes. I like the person who introduced me to this book am absolutley convinced this should be given to every anxiety suffered whether or not they also have agoraphobia like i do aswell. When you do read it, really believe in what she is saying as i have seen for myself in others and in my own personal experience it work the miracle of recovery. Do yourself a favour and read it, and try get the audio files or cd and listen to it religiously till you are fully recovered.
I’m hoping some of you will go back and read my comment….get tested for Lyme using the Western BLot. My symptoms/story are similar to some of yours. Had many, many tests run including the screen test for LYME (ELISA) which all came back negative (very high false negative rate). I asked the doctor to run the western blot method because it is much more specific and guess what, came back positive. Many people with Lyme suffer from anxiety/panic and it is common for the symptoms to come and go…..
Well…… I too suffer from every symptom of anxiety that there is!!! Yesterday i had an assessment with two lovely ladies, and they both come to a conclusion thet i have “Generalized Anxiety Disorder” The main reason i went to see them was because i was at the end of my tether, i still am! Anxiety and worry are taking over my life to the point where its getting me down. The whole worrying feeling and the spaced out headachey feeling is making me insane! I am soooo sick of it. I have decided that medication might be the only thing to help me, they are getting back to me next week with a solution. So its good to know that im not alone and others feel “They are going to die” But hey, we are still here! It is a horible feeling when you start to feel like this EVERYDAY! Goodluck to everyone on here and goodluck to me too, because there is a light at the end of the tunnel, its just a long walk to get there!!!!!
I have been in this spot for 10 years. I am panic free so far (2 months) after trying everything without drugs. I am now on xanax, and feel normal again. But i know the feeling. It happened to me more when i was driving, and would realize i was a long way away from a hospital. I needed to make sure that i was always near medical attention. Silly, right? I am going up north camping this weekend for the first time in a long time. The panic halted that part of my life which i enjoyed the most, being as far from anything as possible. I loved hunting, ATV riding, camping,ect…. Now i cant do any of them unless they are near a hospital. Hopefully i can do this this weekend. Kind of scary…… I wish you all the best of luck, and god bless
Maybe someone can help me
back in jan 2003 I was in the kitchen with the dishwasher on all of a sudden the dishwasher sounded so far away when I went to get up my left leg got weak.This happen a few times.Went to the neuro he did test everything came back normal,They started in march of 2004 same thing same saide and the test again came back normal,.now 3 l/2 years later they are back this time I get a headache across my forehead then that faint sound in the ear then this time my right leg gets weak
all this happens in a second and goes away in 2 seconds,after these attacks I go about my business,I have an appt with the neuro this coming wednesday!
Anyone have any idea what can be causing this!
Thanks so Much
im so glad i came across your blog..its exactly how i feel and i thought nobody knew how i felt and that i was alone.
YES I TOO HAVE HAD ANXIETY ATTACKS AND GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER OR MANY YEARS. MY PANIC ATTACKS STARTED AROUND AGE 18 AND LASTED FOR 6MONTHS AND THEN I WENT TO COLLEGE AND DRANK AWAY THE ANXIETY. OF COURSE THAT ONLY COVERS THE REAL PROBLEM FOR SO LONG. BETWEEN THE AGES OF 19-29 MY ANXIETY SHOWED ITSELF IN VERY STRANGE WAYS LIKE AN INABILITY TO SWALLOW FOOD WHILE IN A RESTAURANT. SHAKY HANDS AROUND PEOPLE I DIDNT KNOW WELL AND I JUST TRIED TO IGNORE THE PROBLEM. AT THE AGE OF THIRTY IT COULD NOT BE IGNORED ANYMORE, EVERYTHING CHANGED. I COULDNT THINK STRAIGHT ONE DAY
AND WAS CONFUSED. I DIDNT KNOW WHERE MY CAR WAS PARKED. I BECAME AGITATED AND DISORIENTATED I DIDNT KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING AND THAT BROUGHT ON THE FULL BLOWN ATTACKS. SWEATING, HEART BEATING, FEELING LIKE I WAS ABOUT TO DIE. I HAVE A VERY GOOD AND DEMANDING JOB AND I WOULD HIDE IN THE BATHROOM CRYING AND THINKING I WAS ABOUT TO FREAK OUT. I NEVER DID FREAK OUT BUT THE FEAR OF MAKING A FOOL OF MYSELF WAS HUG AND SCARY.I LIVED IN THIS STATE OF FEAR EVERY DAY FOR 2 MONTHS. I WANTED SO BADLY TO FEEL LIKE MYSELF AGAIN. WHICH EVEN AT THE TIME I SAW THE IRONY IN, BECAUSE ALL I EVER THOUGHT ABOUT BEFORE THE ATTACKS WAS ALL THAT I WANTED TO CHANGE ABOUT MYSELF.
THE CONSTANT CONFUSION AND SLEEPNESS NIGHTS AND JUST PLAIN PANIC SENT ME TO GET XANAX. IF THERE IS ONE THING I CAN PLEAD ANYONE TO DO IF THEY ARE EXPERIENCING THIS IS TO THINK VERY HARD BEFORE GOING ON XANAX. IT IS SO ADDICTING AND VERY WELL KNOWN FOR ITS ABILITY TO MAKE YOUR ANXIETY ATTACKS MUCH WORSE AFTER THE DRUG WEARS OFF, THE REBOUND AFFECT.WITH ME IT WAS ALMOST HOSPITALIZING AND THE SCARIEST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE. IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO GET OFF XANAX. I HAD TO SLOWLY TAKE LESS AND LESS EACH DAY OVER TWO MONTHS. THIS WAS AFTER TAKING IT FOR ONLY TWO WEEKS.THE WITHDRAW WAS SO HORRIBLE!! I NOW TAKE A DAILY DOSE OF PROZAC 20MG. I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR A YEAR AND I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. MY LIFE HAS COME BACK TO ME AND I CAN ACTUALLY BE HAPPY WITH MYSELF THE WAY I AM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. ALL I HAVE TO DO IS THINK ABOUT HOW I FELT AT MY WORST AND ALL I PRAYED FOR WAS TO BE MY OLD SELF AGAIN. I STILL HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO AND I DO HAVE BAD FUZZY HEAD DAYS NOW AND THEN BUT I TELL MYSELF THIS FEELING WILL NOT LAST FOREVER. I WILL FEEL BETTER AGAIN AND I PROMISE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF WHEN I NEED IT. EVEN IF THAT MEANS ASKING FOR HELP OR TAKING A COUPLE DAYS OFF FOR ME. THIS IS A REAL AND SCARY THING TO DEAL WITH AND IT CAN LEAVE YOU DISCOURAGED AND WORN DOWN AT THE END OF THE DAY. I KNOW THERE IS HOPE, THERE IS A FUTURE JUST KEEP PUSHING FORWARD AND FIND WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. COUNSELING IS VERY HELPFUL AND DONT BE AFRAID TO SHARE YOURSELF WITH FAMILY AND LOVE ONES THEY CAN HELP SO MUCH. I HOPE ONE DAY NO ONE WILL HAVE TO SUFFER FROM THIS AGAIN. THANK YOU
It is comforting to know that I am not alone in this state of mind. I search the internet for strange symptoms that I have – leg weakness, difficulty enunciating, arm weakness, wobbly legs – and always try to tie it back to anxiety and panic. I do have panicky moments where I feel my stomach drop and feel like I might go crazy and just start freaking out and crying. I have a stressful job, which is made more stressful by my inability to focus, 2 toddlers and a husband. The demands feel overwhelming some days in that I have to keep on moving through without getting to take a break from it all. I also have some self-injury problems (picking skin and popping zits on my body). I have to think it’s all tied together. Over the past couple of days I have tried to begin walking for exercise to try to ease some of the tension and give myself an outlet for all this anxious energy that is always humming in the background. Today after my walking, my legs felt weak, esp my left leg, and so I googled my symptoms and started reading yet again about the deadly diseases these symptoms could mean. Panic. And then I found this blog and it helped tremendously. I will look into some of the recommended books and I am going to schedule a counseling appt hopefully this week. And a doctor’s appt to give me some peace of mind as well. I actually avoid the doctor a lot because I don’t want to face having to go and the possibility of getting some earth-shattering news about my health. I never knew the mind could work so dramatically against the body. I just wish I didn’t have to live in such fear all the time. It takes away from my time w/ my family and from my work. Some days it really feels like it will do me in and I just want to curl up on the couch and disappear. I project my life and see me in a wheelchair and they dying some awful painful death at a young age. It started for me in my mid-20s and now I’m almost 32 and it’s still hanging around, though it has switched faces quite a lot. I get fixated on one particular deadly condition or another (heart attack, cancer, ALS or some equally horrible disease -which is the one I am stuck on now). It makes me over-analyze every part of what I do, from walking to talking – the most basic actions. I feel like I might lose it and then the symptoms get worse and it’s just a downward spiral into panic. I do hope there is some long-term way to cope with this. I’m hoping the therapy will make a difference for me – and if that’s not enough then I will explore medication if it will calm me down. I have tried Paxil and Lexapro. The paxil seemed to work pretty well, but I ate all the time. The Lexapro made my mind feel too jumpy and I didn’t feel like I was making sense. There are more meds out there that it sounds like could be a better fit, though. It is a huge relief, though, to see others who are suffering from this fear. It’s amazing how powerful the internet is in that capacity (and it sucks how the internet fuels the fire when you search for symptoms). I guess it’s a blessing and a curse. I hope, though, that all people that suffer from these fears can come out from under the weight of it and enjoy the time that we do have on this earth to the fullest. May we all feel calm and blessed.
I didn’t realise weak legs were associated with anxiety. I’ve had a dull headache in temple regularly for over a year now, this is sometimes accompanied by burning sensation in my hand. Last summer I had the feeling of being strangled and the doctor explained I has stress related anxiety. This went after a while and an MRI confirmed I had nothing structuraly wrong with my brain. My worry is the other symptoms of weak aching legs, tingling/burning hand and arm and fuzzy head The neurologist doesn’t want to do a lumbar puncture as he is sure it is not MS but now reading these articles I think it’s possible some of my symptoms are anxiety related and I have quiet literally worried myself sick!It’s a vicious circle!I’ve found this site really helpful so thanks for the info and good luck to everyone out there!
Hang in there people – anxiety sucks!
It was such a relief to read this today. My right arm is always feeling really heavy and sort of numb and I feel like I cant pick things up, grab things or write. Sometimes my right leg feels like it will give way when Im walking. I feel dizzy and not with it. I sometimes have really bad migraine headaches. This week I was driving and my vision went blurry and I felt I would not be able to get home. Also my right leg feels like I cant push the pedals in the car properly when driving. I have googled my symptoms so many times and am convinced I have a brain tumor or MS. I have been to the doctor and he is sure it is anxiety. I can also do a tight fist like mentioned above. Previously I was convienceed I had something wrong with my heart. I went to hospital twice and had an ECG and blood tests and was told I was ok. I then paid for private tests and all were clear. It turned out it was acid reflux caused by stress. Also if I hear someone has an illness I start imagining I have all the symptoms and think I have the illness too. It is hard to believe that your brain can make you have these real physical terrifying symptoms. I just want to stay in bed these days. My friends and family always ask what is worrying you, why are you nervous and i just dont know. You want to stop but you cant. The doctor has told me the more I worry the worst the symptom will be but when you get the numbness you worry so its a vicious circle! I really dont want to take medication but feel I may have to. I have now been referred to have Cognitive Behavior Therapy and attend an anxiety group. I know people that have had Cognitive Behavior Therapy. they say it is really good. Hang in there everyone. We are not alone
I want to thank you for this site and want to thank everyone that has posted here for their willingness to talk about their condition and experiences. I have had anxiety for most of my life and I have coped with it mostly on my own because I don’t want to bother my friends all the time. My friends are great but they just don’t know how deeply anxiety can take over your life and its hard to covey that to them. I am 52 and for the first time i feel like theres no hope for me. The past two months I have had some physical problems so I have gone to the doctor and of course this has sent my anxiety levels over the top and I can’t seem to cope. I can’t sleep and I have all the usual anxiety problems and of course I think I’m going to die. The fear I have right now is almost more than I can handle. For the first time in my life I really feel the need for emotional help. This is the first time I have ever posted anything on any site but this site has a real understanding of what its like to be out there with a mind full of anxiety and panic
and everything that comes with it.I’m sorry for being so negative. I do find enjoyment in everyday its just lately I’m really on edge.
A lot of the time its not the experience we are having its the thought that we can not escape the experience but we can if we keep looking and have a little help from our friends.
THANK YOU
Istarted having this anxeity atacks last week ,it was so bad that i had to go to hospital ,i was all numb my heart was beating like crazy and i tought i was going to die,last night happen again and i couldent control it,im always with that feeling that i did something wrong, like im scared all the time and i cant help it.. i would like to know what can we do to avoid this i try to calm down but i can.. i have 3 kids and everyday all i think about is if the next morning ill be here to kiss them good morning….
I am so glad I am not alone. My husband took a new job and we had to move 3 hours away. I have never been away from my family. I had to quit my job of 20 years. We moved in June and I was fine until November – my husband went away for a week hunting. I was left alone with my 3 kids – and no family. I didn’t now anyone. Well that is when it all started. Fuzzy head feeling (which is far the worse). I can go for weeks and nothing and then all of the sudden it hits – fuzzy head, fear of fainting, fear of dying, headache – not an extreme pain but more of a numb kind of feeling. I have been to a doctor, no neurological problems. Had me on Zoloft now started on Paxil. I hate medications (I think they freak me out more and bring the attacks on. Looking for ways to control this anxiety/panic attacks without meds. Please help.
so glad to come across this webpage…I am 38 yr old – mother of two little ones…and I totally have this fuzzy headed feeling so hard to describe – dizzy but not really just a heavy headed feeling that leaves me sometimes completely exhaussted and I push b/c I really have no choice- hubby travels for work, no family around so I go go go….. I have had a lot of anxiety – feeling I am going to die and I spiral….so difficult to be around because I am petrified of leaving my small children… I have been to the ENT – all normal, and to a Neurologist…he has put me on Lexapro – my heart rate was 130 in his office he also did blood work, neuro tests all normal and I had an MRI last year unrelated that was normal….so I know there is no tumor, ms etc… the neurologist thinks and was quite confident in his assessment that I have a low level of serotonin and this is triggering an issue with my “balance organ” so he perscribed lexapro 10 mg. and vestibular exercises from a PT to strengthen my inner ear… It has been two weeks and I have dread – major dread – that this will go on forever and this is my new existence….Is it going to end? When? I think the lexapro is kicking in as I am not totally freaking out…just mild at least this is mild for me….
Jen: I hope things are better for you now. I’ve been dealing with panic disorder since 2000 and it escalated to panic disorder *with* agoraphobia in 2001. Seven years later, I’m still on medication (Lexapro and Xanax daily) and doing desensitization therapy. I hope we both get to be Becca and Jen, respectively, again.
Hi Guys, Just my 2 cents worth – I’m very similar to all of you… I’ve been fighting for two years now, i have not had any meds etc or sessions with a shrink etc. It all started with stomach pain, then lump in throat, then headaches, then memory issues like i would forget stuff and I cant concentrate as easy as I used too, feel dizzy and my eyes get tired easy, loud/sharp noises seem to make my ear drum shudder. Even typing and talking like trying to find the right word etc seems different. And I think the worst is a feeling of being ’spaced out’ like almost all the time 24/7 i feel like outta it like ive drunk a cpl of beers etc, and even when I walk, eat or type on the keyboard etc it just does not feel ‘right’. So I’m worried I have MS, ALS, Parkinsons, Cancer etc… i have had cat scans and unltrasounds, bloodwork all were ok although this was some time ago. I did see a neruo about a year ago who did some basic tests like balence etc and was ok – but still cant help but think there is something wrong, mainly because i get all these phyical symptoms… like for the last cpl of months I’ve had a ache in my stomach on and off and my legs ache for no reason, so it makes it hard to think ‘its all in my mind’.. its odd this disorder and ive know ive prolly done it to my self with my constant worry over the last two years.. Sound familar anyone? thanks heaps guys.
Hi – thought I would send an update…I have been on the lexapro now for about a month…. interestingly when I went on vacation to Italy with just my husband – no sense of balance issues, fuzzy headed or that sensation that I have had a glass of wine – NONE- come home to the children after a day or two – and there it is -It is no way as horrible as it was a month ago – so either it is subsiding, the lexapro is making me care less about it, or it is how stress/anxiety is manifesting itself…So I am sticking on the lexapro for a while…
Hi Jen
Thank you so much for your post August 9th, 2003 Anxiety – A history of Jen.
That is exactly how mine started 18 months ago …. Stiff hands, could not make a fist, heavy legs that manifested into a shuffle for 2 weeks. I have not come across anyone else with those symptoms, I am a member of anxiety zone and constantly try to find someone who has had the above, but no luck. I feel like I am going crazy … like I am stuck on spin cycle and not able to reach the off button! My latest symptom is the shakes 24/7 for about 3 months now, not so bad during the day as I am active and don’t really notice them so much, but it wakes me during the night. So now I a on the sleeping pill…. Which I hate.
I have an MRI scan tomorrow and I am sooooo scared.
I am not on any meds, I think it is time, but although my numerous GP’s have suggested anxiety and thought I should be on meds, my rheumatologist wants me to hold off while he investigates other causes … which of course makes me more anxious.
I just wanted to say thank you …. I think your post will help me sleep a little better tonight.
Hope you well, would love to know how you have progressed since the post.
Take Care
Sarah-Jane
New Zealand
Thank you, everyone, for sharing your stories. I do plan on providing an update soon on how I am doing. In short, I was doing wonderfully for many years – I had no medication and no symptoms whatsoever. Last summer (2008) was the beginning of my anxiety symptoms again. They stayed pretty mild until this past spring (2009) when I was recovering from mono.
This spring was seriously the hardest battle I have ever faced with this panic disorder. The symptoms were so different and scarier than the last time my anxiety was acting up.
After a five month battle, I am finally better. I’m back on Prozac and grateful that I am feeling like myself again. Energized and motivated…it’s awesome when the body finally is back in balance. Hang in there, everyone…seriously – there are definite ways to beat the panic and anxiety. It can be a sneaky little monster sometimes, but don’t give up. You are not alone.
I don’t know what to do, I’ve had this for four years now and am a senior in high school right now. The anxiety got worse than ever over the past two months. I feel like I wasted all four of my high school years because of anxiety. I don’t even know how to get help, I told people in real life and they don’t understand it and I’m too young to go to a doctor myself.